Better than buffet: How to make your Chinese taste like theirs.

You've decided to make stir fry for dinner- knowing that it simply won't taste like your favorite Chinese food restaurant's dish. Not anymore! I promise that with a few simple items and cooking techniques, you won't want take-out... well, not as often, anyway.

You need a few key items to make your Chinese taste like theirs... better, even. I suggest taking a trip you your local Asian market for the best prices and an awesome cultural experience. If an Asian market isn't near you, all of the condiments listed below can be found at your local grocery store. Note: "La Choy" is not an option! The ingredients on my Kung Pao recipe cannot be found at Safeway. You'll have to hit up the market.  They are STAPLES in most of your favorite Asian dishes. 

1. Pre-flavored vegetable oil. 

Oil that has been used, previously, to fry fish or chicken. (So, the next time you fry something, strain the bits and reserve the oil in a container for a later date)

2. Oyster sauce. 

Yes, it's fishy and salty... but... it's the main ingredient in most of the Chinese dishes you love; LoMein, Kung Pao, General Tso's, to name a few. You can find this sauce in the specialty/
international foods aisle.

3. Teriyaki sauce
4. Seasoned Rice Wine Vinegar

 A sweeter, tart, pre-seasoned alternative to vinegar. I absolutely looove RWV and I often use to replace "regular" vinegars in my salad dressings, etc.

5. Sesame oil

6. Soy sauce

7. Corn starch

8. Whole, dried red pepper pods*

You can use red pepper flakes, if you want to... but pepper pods offer more flavor.Be careful, they pack quite a HOT punch!

9. Toasted sesame seeds*

*optional items that can be found in the spice aisle

Today we're going to tackle this recipe:

Garlic Sesame Chicken with Snow Peas served over Vegetable Fried Rice.

"Hot pan, cold oil- food no e'stick."

My family lived in Taiwan in the late 1960's. If there's one thing Mom learned, it was how to prepare the food... she also learned to speak Mandarin, but the food was more important! Our housekeeper, Mei Li, (not an uncommon thing for Naval officers, back then) taught Mom everything she knew about Chinese cooking and Mom taught Mei everything she knew about American cooking.

 Another influential Chinese cook, Martin Yan, helped Mom in the 1980's on Saturday mornings with his show, "Yan Can Cook." Besides his amazing handywork with a cleaver, one of his most frequent sayings was, "hot pan, cold oil- food no e'stick." Remember that saying... it comes in handy when cooking Chinese food, believe me!

Always start with your rice.

**You want to prepare the rice ahead of time and refrigerate. The rice works best when it is cold. If you have had trouble preparing rice in the past, never fear! I'm here to help! Try Mei Li's fool proof way to cook rice and don't you dare use anything thing with "minute" in front of it!

Fried rice is exactly that, fried. You have to start with cold,  pre-cooked rice and then... well... fry it.

Serves 2-4:
3 tbsps seasoned veggie oil
1/4 tsp sesame oil (use a tiny bit... too much will ruin the flavor. A little goes a long, long way)
1 clove garlic, pressed or chopped
2 cups cold, pre-cooked rice
1/2 frozen peas
1/2 cup finely chopped onions
1/2 cup finely chopped carrots
1 egg- beaten *optional
2 tblsps - 1/4 cup soy sauce
1 or 2 handfuls of bean sprouts

Heat your wok (or largest pan you have) over med-high heat and wait a minute or two. Add your seasoned vegetable oil (hot pan, cold oil... remember?) onions, carrots, frozen peas and pressed garlic and sautee utnil onions are translucent. Reduce the heat.  Add your egg and scramble. Next, add your cooked rice and mix together. Finally, add the soy sauce and bean sprouts and sautee until everything is well incorperated. Remove from the heat, cover and set aside.

Garlic Sesame Chicken with Snow peas or green beans.
Servings: 2-4

3 Table spoons of per-flavored veg oil
1/2 tsp of Sesame oil
2 large, boneless, skinless chicken breasts
2 tblsps corn starch
1 12oz package of pre cut/washed green beans or...
2 large handfuls of Snow Peas from the grocer's bin
1 medium red pepper, sliced
1 celery stalk, thinly sliced
3/4-1 cup of garlic sauce
2- 4 Red pepper pods (depends on how spicy you want it?)
2 stems of Scallions, sliced
Sesame seeds for presentation

Chicken stirfry prep:
Chinese food is prepared in stages. Yes, it's tedious, but... it's how to get your dinner tasting like theirs.

Butterfly your chicken breasts and pound the hell out of them, (in between two pieces of wax paper) until they are nearly paper thin and flat. Slice the chicken into bite sized pieces and coat in the corn starch. FYI: Corn starch acts as a meat tenderizer and as a thickening agent for the delicious sauce that we drizzle all over our rice.

Next, in a seperate pot, boil your green beans in water for 5 minutes until the beans are a vibrant green. Shock them in a cold water bath and set aside. No prep (other than a rinse) needs to be done for the peas.

Heat your wok on high and wait a minute or two before adding your cold, pre-flavored oils (veg and sesame)- which prevents the chicken from sticking to the wok. Fry your coated chicken slices until they are completely cooked and remove them from the pan. Reduce the heat to medium and fry the green beans and celery- 5 minutes, TOPS! Avoid over cooking the vegetables- you want a crunch not a mush! Reintroduce the chicken to the wok with the scallions, red pepper pods and add the sauce:

Garlic Sauce:
1/4 cup Oyster sauce
3 tsps Rice Wine Vinegar
3 tsps Teriyaki sauce
2 tsps Soy sauce
1 tblsp Corn starch
1/4 cup Chicken stock or water
2 cloves Garlic, chopped

Toss everything in the sauce on a medium/high heat (so the sauce will thicken) and add the sliced red peppers at the very end- 2 minutes TOPS! If your sauce is too thick, add more stock. Serve immediaely over rice and sprinkle with the sesame seeds for that finished look.

Trust me, this Chinese food  is as authentic as it gets... without going out for it. You know you've prepared it correctly when you are hungry, again, in 20 minutes.

If you must go out for authentic Taiwanese/Chinese (which is the best, if you ask me) please visit Taiwan 101, in Monaca, PA (A Pittsburgh suburb). For my Baltimore area friends, visit Hunan L'Rose. Both establishments are, by far, the best Chinese retaurants I have ever, EVER had the pleasure of enjoying!

再見! (Zàijiàn)
Goodbye.

Why, oh why wasn't I born Greek?!

GREEKS KNOW HOW TO HOOK-IT-UP!
No, I'm not Greek. But I can pretend, right?

This year, I'm playing pretend with a Greek-inspired Easter menu. Mediterranean food is fresh, vibrant and deliciously healthy. The flavor combinations are thoughtfully simple and affordable to create. Here's a look into our Easter dinner. Καλό Πάσχα!


Eat your heart out Sandra Lee! Here's our blue and white, Greek flag inspired tablescape; complete with my oldest daughter's, prehistoric, blue and white vision. RAWR!

Sweet Pea Soup with Leeks and Mint

A deliciously EASY way to enjoy peas. Sautee leeks (white and some green) and shallots in bacon fat and butter in a large stock pot. Add dry sherry, frozen peas and chicken stock and simmer for 20 minutes. Puree in batches in a blender with a handful of mint. Return the soup to the pot and add salt and freshly cracked pepper to taste. Add a small dollop of creme fraiche or sour cream before serving.

Italian Sourdough Bread

"Pane Cafone" Countryman's Bread

I decided to go Italian with my bread. I was going to make the traditional Greek Easter bread, Tsoureki (the pretty one with the red egg) but my husband isn't a big fan and my oldest got a small batch of the chicken pox, so I decided to cut my losses and go with what I know...  Italian. (Still Mediterranean, right?) I made this bread with a culture that my father-in-law gave to me. I'll submit more info on this process later. The proofing (yeast activation) takes about 5 days... but it was totally worth it. AND I'll have this culture for as long as I "feed" it to make bread whenever I want. 

Spinach and Orzo Salad No Greek dinner is complete without olives and orzo! This dish so simple it makes itself. Cook a package of dry orzo and drain. Add garlic, olive oil, olive juice, vinegar, fennel (optional), feta cheese, cherry tomatos, baby spinach, red onions, olives, garbanzo beans, fresh basil, oregano and mint. Add salt & pepper to taste. Refrigerate. Serve cold. A perfect side dish for any occasion.  

Lemon Souvlaki Breasts I knew I didn't want ham... didn't we just eat ham for Christmas dinner? So we broke out the grill and prepared some lemon chicken breasts (my husband did the grilling... thank you, Nick) with garlic, S&P, oregano and mint. I whipped up a batch of garlic mashed red potatoes (thanks to my friend for the smashing/ mixing process) with chives and a side dish of sauteed green beans with lemon, pepper and shallots. I also added some tzatziki (the yummy, garlicky cucumber yogurt dip famously found on gyros) to accompany the chicken and the bread.

 We finished the meal with Cinnabunny Cakes and Baklava. 

Homemade Lunch Banned while Pink Milk is Still on the menu. The apocalypse is nigh.

What's a little chocolate milk going to do to our kids? If you think "nothing," then you'd be DEAD WRONG! Here's a visual for you:

Makes you pretty sick, right? I got a cavity and gained 5lbs just watching that clip- actually, I watched that clip twice, so that’s two cavities and 10lbs! Ouch! This school bus demonstration only reinforces my theory that American children are fatter-than-ever because of our school systems... and shame on us for not doing more to stop it!

I respect Jamie Oliver as a person and a chef and I am a fan and an advocate for his American-based Food Revolution. Jamie has transformed the way his native British school children eat lunch and he is trying to do the same for us Yanks. English studies were assessed after a year of Jamie's British food revolution. The studies showed that British school children not only got slimmer, but their test scores improved. With these kinds of proof positive results, why can't American schools get with the program?  

Well… because American school systems are doing stuff like this:

Chicago schools have BANNED or are in the process of BANNING homemade lunches.

*Note: Please forgive me for some of the Fox News footage- ordinarily I find FX News ill-informed, bigoted, shamefully misguided and brutally conservative. For time efficient, visual purposes, I will make an exception. If you require a higher esteemed news organization, read these articles from TIME magazine or the Chicago Tribune.

Healthy food options are one thing, but since when is this:

A bag of chips, hot dogs, tater tots, fries, Kool Aid and pink milk 1) healthy and 2) worth $2.25?

At the most, those lunches are $1 per student… not 2.25. (Kind of makes me wonder where the extra 1.25/per student is going?) At the grocers, I can buy a PACK of all beef franks for 2.50. I’m willing to bet that the pictured hot dogs aren’t 100% beef. I’m also going to take a wild guess that the buns aren’t whole wheat, either? While I don’t have any problem with banning sodas in school, I have a HUGE problem with school board members insulting my intelligence and allowing flavored, pink milk as a “healthier” beverage substitution… on my dime, no less!  A school sized, 8oz carton of strawberry milk has, depending on the brand, between 160-200 calories vs. a 12oz can of Coca Cola at 140 calories. Chocolate milk is 158 calories whereas a regular, artificially flavored-free 2% milk carton is 122 calories. It’s still loaded with calcium and potassium, much like its colorful brother and sister- but without the added sodium and sugar. Sure, chocolate and strawberry milk is sweeter and more enticing to kids… but when childhood obesity is at an all-time high and you are making me buy a “healthier” lunch than what I could provide for my child at a lower cost, then I EXPECT much, much better than this.

Flavored milk aside, and in all fairness to this particular school districts decision to ban homemade lunches, 70% of their students are on a free lunch program and typically come from families who are on federal food assistance. Maybe mom and dad truly can’t afford healthy food alternatives? Have you seen the price of produce lately?  Then again, the last person I saw who whipped out her ACCESS card had $200 dollars worth of pre-packaged garbage, a pack of smokes, and not one fruit or vegetable. Not one healthy thing, other than milk, out of $200! And yes, the woman was obese. And yes, so were her children- especially the one playing his brand new PSP. Kids learn poor eating habits somewhere, now don’t they? Who would have thought that parents are the biggest enablers.   

My neighbor, who is a doctor, helps out in the local clinic. We reside in a blue collar, Pittsburgh suburb that is on the lower economic scale vs. other suburbs in the area. He told me that he had a family of overweight diabetics come into the clinic. The teenage daughter broke down in tears because she was being picked on, “fat and didn’t know how to lose the weight.” Doc S. asked her what her eating habits were? She said that she and her family ate fast food at least 5 days a week. Doc S. suggested that she order a salad, instead. The girls’ mother snapped back with a, “NO! Salads are too expensive and she can eat a burger and fries just like the rest of us.” Case and, sadly, point.

As I have mentioned in a previous article, "What’s the Story with our Big, Fat Kids," 1 in 5 American children are obese. Signs of obesity start early on but are usually chronicled by the time kids go to school (K-12) due to mandatory visits to the doctor for vaccinations and general health checkups. American kids are consistantly getting BIGGER... and not length wise. Just go anywhere and you can see it. Something needs to be done and it doesn’t involve requiring parents to buy Chicago’s version of a healthier school lunch- which is a joke that most of the children toss, anyway. In the meantime, I urge everyone, especially parents with school aged children, to make more conscious food choices, continue to pack your child’s lunch and watch Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution for a wake-up call- a big, bloated, wake-up call.    

WTF is That introduces... BULGUR.

w.t.f. is BULGUR??

Bulgur (or boulgour) is a grain, much like couscous, found in most Middle Eastern, Mediterranean, Turkish and Indian cuisine. Today, it has become a part of Kertney's food repertoire.

Note: It should have been a part of my food repertoire a few Christmas' ago when my sister, Kelley, sent it from Germany. Sadly, I was knuckle deep in formula and pureed peaches back then and wasn't as romantically involved with food as I am, today. 

Many people enjoy bulgur as a chilled or luke-warm pilaf, first cooked in chicken stock with parsley and other herbs. I'm going to take more of a South African spin with my pilaf, incorperating sweeter flavors and citrus. 

South African Bulgur Pilaf Ingredients

2 cups Bulgur
1 cup stock (chicken or veggie)
1 cinnamon stick
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup dried apricots
1/2 cup dried currants or cranberries
1 orange (half sectioned/ half for juice)
1/4 cup of chopped almonds
1-2 tsp of fresh mint, chopped
5 cooked asparagus stalks, sliced
1/2 cup chopped cucumbers
1 scallion, chopped
Juice of 1 Lemon
Salt/Pepper to taste

Get the bulgur, stock, and cinnamon stick boiling in a medium sauce pot over high heat. Once it has come to a full boil, cover and take off of the heat. Let it rest while you prepare your other ingredients. Transfer the cooked bulgur (minus the cinnamon stick) to a large mixing bowl and add all of the ingredients with the exception of the lemon, mint, olive oil, cucumbers and orange slices. Let it refrigerate, uncovered, for 20-30 minutes. Finally, add your olive oil, lemon juice, orange juice and remaining ingredients and toss. Salt and pepper the dish to your liking and VOILA!

I served my bulgur with a lightly seasoned, grilled tilapia and fresh avocado slices.

Thumbs up or down?   

Thumbs up! Bulgur is soooo simple to make, affordable, and incredibly versatile. I don't think there is a wrong way to prepare it? Bulgur accepts all flavors and all styles.  I dare you to make it with whatever tickles your fancy.

WTF is THAT?!?!

Welcome to my new weekly bit, "What the Food?"

I'm going to scour Pittsburgh for new & exotic (or as "exotic" as you can get in the Steel City) foods and prepare them. Chances are better-than-average that the item I select will be new to the both of us. My hope is to bring a few more different and interesting things to the Kertney family table whilst I am stuck in the land of Primantis and Iron Shitty-- not that I'm complaining about those.

Today's WTF food hails from the Netherlands and has many fire-breathing lizards in an inaudible uproar. I give you... (drum roll please) 

DRAGONS TONGUE BEANS

Okay, okay... the sign says "product of Guatemala" but I swear that the beans are Dutch.  I found these particular beans at the hoity-toity Market District, Giant Eagle. And yes... they are expensive little waxy buggers, but, it's a weekly gig and I am not too worried about the 1/4lb "splurge." 

From everything I have read, Dragon's Tongue Beans have a delicate, buttery taste and the pretty purple stripes fade during the cooking process. Sad face... but neat. I will prepare the beans for dinner, tomorrow and give you a thumbs up or down. They look pretty cool... and my kids seemed interested in sampling one, given that I told them they are ACTUAL dragon's tongues... and have the magical ability to make one breath fire.  

-------------------------------------------------------

PREPARATION DAY:

Well, dragon tongue beans taste EXACTLY like your average, every-day green bean, with two minor differences:

1) They are larger.
2) They are heartier.

I prepared these dragon tongue beans with some green beans I had hanging around the veggie drawer. I snipped the ends,  boiled the beans w/ sea salt until beautifully green. And yes, the fun, purple streaks did, indeed, disappear once cooked. Womp! I "shocked" them in a ice bath and then sauteed them in butter, garlic, diced shallots and cracked pepper. I served da' beans with Sesame Panko Tuna and Coconut Jasmine Rice. Awesome, awesome stuff if I do say so myself... and I do.

Thumbs up or Down?

Thumbs up but with reservations. I would reccomend buying these beans only if you are trying to impress a crowd with it's fun, fire breathing namesake... if not... go green. (Case and point: 5.99/lb vs. .99/lb) But grab a handful next time, for shits and giggles!    

Why I loves me some ALDI... and why YOU should, too!

Do you consider yourself a "supermarket snob?" Do you need the extensive lighting? GRAND displays? A sushi counter? The playcenter for your kids? OF COURSE YOU DO!!! But on those paydays when the money is tight- and let's be honest here, those days are more and more frequent... ALDI is the place to get your groceries! Sure, it used to have the bad rep. of  being a sketchy, low-quality goods store. Not anymore! Here are a few reasons why you need to get over yourself, like I did, and give ALDI a try.

1. Americans paying Americans. True, ALDI is a German based store. But, the proof is in the schnitzle. Check the back of all of your ALDI packaging. Nearly everything is made, packaged, grown and raised in the U.S.A.

2. Earth friendly. Bring your fabric shopping bags, folks. No free bags here! ( Don't worry, they sell the reusable ones) No bags means less waste, a cleaner environment and cheaper prices.

3. Significant savings! No, seriously... I did my shopping at Walmart and Giant Eagle before getting over myself and started shopping at ALDI . I have cut my grocery bills by 65%. Granted, there are some brand-name things I will pick up at Target, Giant or Walmart (cleaning and hygiene products, mostly) but ALDI is my first stop before I step foot in any of the big name retailers. The fuel perks gimmick seems woefully insignificant by comparison.

4. FRESH PRODUCE at amazing prices. Have you seen the prices for peppers, recently? Red peppers at Giant Eagle were $3.67/lb.  WHAT!!!!??? I don't think so! ALDI sells packs of beautiful red and yellow peppers for $2. Green pepper packs are 1.60/pack. Banannas are advertised at .39 /lb. WOW! Sure, you are only finding the basics in the produce dept... but... when don't we use the basics on a regular basis?  Check out their ad and be amazed.

5. Excellent comparable brands that rival the big name competitors. Now, I love granola cereal... but it can be expensive. I used to buy boxes of Kellogs granola for nearly $4/box. The same product at ALDI is $1.99/box. NO BRAINER, and it's delicious. ALDI has all of the kids cereals, too, and yes, they taste EXACTLY the same. Granted, there isn't a leprechaun or a tiger "represent'n" on the front of the boxes, but who cares?  Not this gangsta! And your kids won't be able to tell the difference. Your wallet, on the other hand, will. And that's a good thing!

Take ALDI's ONE WEEK CHALLENGE! Do all of your grocery shopping for a week, at ALDI and compare your receipts from the big-name stores. I guarantee that ALDI will slay the competition! And in today's economy, we need all the help we can get.

Food is...

Cibo. الغذاء. Libensmittel. Thực phẩm. τροφίμων. Pagkain. 食品.

No matter what language you speak, FOOD is universal. 

Food- it brings us together. Food is controversial. Food is something that we look forward to. Food is creative. Food has a 5 second rule. Food is gay. Food gets us to shut up for a few minutes. Food is frightening. Food keeps Charmin in business. Sometimes food is gross.  Sometimes food is MINDBLOWING! Food makes us fart. Food gives us an excuse to pair wine with it. Food can go bad. Food energizes. Food enables. Food is a vice. Food makes us thirsty. Food is fabulous. Food creates fat. Food can produce tears. Some food is produce. Women make food naturally. Food smells. Food is alive. Some food was alive. Food is a tradition. Food comes from plants. Food makes you poop. Food doesn't make you poop. Kids sneak food to the dog. Moms have a secret food stash. Food is comfortable. Food is spicy. Food feels good.  Food is... fabulous. Let's get cooking!