Dieting During the Dot: Supplements for PMS

Hormones. They are capable of making you look and feel like an irresistible, youthful, selfie-taking runway goddess of power and poise.

They are also notorious for transforming you into a hairy, half-starved, Viking Cow of Despair.

Now that I am in my mid thirties, I notice these "symptoms" far more than I ever did in my twenties. Trying to stay on the nutritional track when we are preparing to surf the crimson tide, well, that's when you can (and will) succumb to the powers of ass-sitting, wine, and Doritos. And while it's true that our bodies burn extra calories during PMS, it's not enough to compensate for those Pop Tarts you just crammed down your throat after work.

Lucky for you, I have found a few supplements and products that help me calm the Half-Starved Viking Cow... and they may just help you calm yours? I've been taking supplements BEFORE Dr. Oz made the main stream. 

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This is the part where I tell you that I am not a licensed nutritional anything, and you must use your best judgement when testing these products. I'm just the Guinea Pig. Always give the family practitioner a heads-up about your supplement experimentation. Tell her I said, "Hi." Remember: Supplements take time to work. It's not magic. Give them a few weeks. Likewise, what works for my inner Half Starved Viking Cow, may not work for yours.  

Experiment:
I decided to stop taking these supplements all together for two months. My husband, who happens to be Cpt. Pessimism about things holistically related, said he didn't think it was plausible for these to be doing anything; Which is code for, 

"You're still a bitch, Kert. Stop kidding yourself." 

Okay. Maybe I'm imagining all of this "relief?" Game on. 

I stopped taking them. All of them. And it was hell. Easily had the worst PMS/ periods in my life. He retracted his argument after this experiment was all over and done with. Trust me. 

These supplements DO help. Now... if this heifer could get a salt lick loaded with estrogen, that would be terrific. Until then, I do this: 

Flaxseed- Tame the Hungry Beast 
Flax is a phytoestrogen, or, a dietary estrogen. They aren't the real biological thing, but, phytoestrogens are comprised of plant compounds that our endocrine system accepts. Long story short: The consumption of flaxseed, especially during the dot, influences estrogen metabolism.

Lemme break it down for you: Much like a Donald Trump polygraph test, our estrogen levels are all over the damn place during PMS. When estrogen production plummets, that's when ovulation is over, and our period starts to kick-in. You probably notice that by the first day of your period, you start to feel better? The 7-14 days in-between can be rough... that's where Flaxseed comes into play.

Flax helps to fool your system into thinking it has the estrogen it needs to soothe the savage beast and relax the food cravings. I like to incorporate as much whole flaxseed as I can- Food and smoothies. Flaxseed also happens to be a plant-based protein with antioxidants that slow the aging process. Win/win. Feel free to google it. Can't go wrong with this stuff. Want a great recipe that curbs craving as has a good amount of flax? Try my Whey Protein nuggets: No added sugar, 240 calories per serving, 5g of protein, and loaded with dietary estrogen.

Magnesium, Magnesium, MAGNESIUM!!! "Soothe your Swole, bruh."

I cannot stress this particular supplement enough. Magnesium is arguably the most underutilized mineral in the human body.  I take one erry-damn-day. During the dot... I take two. Why? Glad you asked.

My red blood cell levels are extremely low during this time. In fact, most practitioners agree that just about all PMS-ers red blood cell levels are low. Our bodies go through a lot during this period-thing. Don't down play it. We have a reason to be bitchy. The drop in cell production means cramps, back aches, bloating... you get the picture. Magnesium is a tried-and-true muscle relaxer and mood enhancer. It "soothes my swole" and my racing brain. Likewise, it helps me sleep and helps digest the food in lieu of being stored as fat. That's right, magnesium is a natural fat blocker. Particularly belly fat. And chances are pretty high that you aren't getting enough. Magnesium is ranked as one of those minerals that most adults are not getting enough of. Mind you, not all Magnesiums are made the same. I've narrowed it down to the two that help with dieting and strength building.

Magnesium Chelate: Higher absorption rate for active individuals.

or

Magnesium Citrate: A digestion support super star.

I tried the higher absorption mag and found that, while it helps me fall asleep and relax faster,  it gives me a stiff neck and a headache when I wake up. Feel free to be your own guinea pig on this'n. Again, my body is different than yours.

Before the dot, I take 650mg (two 250mg pills + my multi vitamin) every day leading up to the first sight of spotting. When my period starts, I go back to my normal dose of 400mg. According to my doc, if you are below a 6 on the red blood cell test, you are deficient. If you don't want to go through all of the blood testing, ask yourself: Are you tired, angry and sore? Do you eat a metric shit-ton of super green things a few times a day? If you answered yes and no... get some magnesium.

Likewise, after a serious workout, our muscles are drained. You may want to consider a magnesium soak. Get yourself a bag of Dr. Teal's epsom salt, run a nice hot bath, put a cup or so in... and relax. The body soaks up the magnesium and that hormonal backache will thank you for it! You will sleep better than ever. If your estrogen levels are heavier than a Sam Smith ballad, I have another thing to try.

Melatonin's cure for the sleep deprived PMS-er. 

I have one hell of a time sleeping when I'm PMSing. This stuff is gold when it comes to helping relieve my IBS: Irritable Bitch Syndrome.

In addition to magnesium, I use extended release melatonin during my PMS insomnia. I have tried the regular stuff- not the same. I wake up by 2am.

Extended release is the way to go!

When I toss and turn and don't get enough sleep... my PMS symptoms are off the chain. Naturally occurring melatonin levels are, you guessed it, super low during PMS. Once again, menstruation takes a lot out of the female body. All this hormonal stuff takes a toll on us that only gets agitated with age. Melatonin is an excellent example of an aging hormone, as it decreases in production as we get older. What exactly is melatonin and just who the hell figures this stuff out?

Melatonin is a brain hormone/antioxidant that is... well... fueled by light. Crazy right?

Stay with me.

Humans have this thing called a circadian rhythm. It is your inner clock. Exposing yourself to too much bright light at night, or not enough during the day, drops your melatonin levels. As we discussed earlier, red blood cell counts are low during PMS and those red blood cells help that melatonin flow. Low red blood cells + low melatonin = no sleep for Kertney.  That's where a melatonin supplement comes in handy.

Sleep is also a key component to successful weight management. When you are well rested, you can accomplish so much more and you are more apt to stick to the script. I do, however, end up feeling a tad groggy the following morning when the alarm sounds, but, it wears right off.  Sleep is a CRUCIAL element for maintaining a healthy disposition. Insomnia is a key contributor to depression and anxiety. Two things that those PMS hormones love clinging to.

St. Johns Wort Cures the CrayCray. 

I'm a transparent broad. I will tell you how I feel and I will always give it to you straight-up with a

touch of sarcasm. Before the dot, however, there is no humor. Only despair. I am an emotional PM Mess. I am angry. I am sad. I am forgetful. I am anxious. I am quiet. I am loud. I am all over the goddamn place.

Seven days before the dot, I will straight-up overanalyze all of the conversations I have had that day, the day before, years past,  and scrutinize all of things that I have absolutely no control over. Social media becomes a judgmental outlet of contempt for yours truly and I will twiddle my thumbs about shit that I would never care about post period. I am a mess. And if any of my crazy sounds like your crazy... This is where Natural Xanex comes into play. And boy does it help.

St. Johns Wort is something that I take ONLY during PMS.You are probably wondering why I didn't just get evaluated for BCP or antidepressants?

I have taken birth control pills for PMS. I have taken antidepressants for PMS. They make me tired and fat. I gained 10lbs after less than two months of antidepressants. I did not have the will to do anything. Didn't care. And that's not good. We should all have a good, healthy dose of self awareness. I take one in the evening, only during PMS. Antidepressants can be a game changer- both good and bad. St Johns Wort is my natural mood enhancer. I use something else, too...

Synthetic Progesterone

As previously stated: I no longer need birth control. I do not like birth control. And however much it soothes my savage beast, it turns me into a hunched over TWD character, thus killing Kertney, and her libido... much like Negan is gonna kill Maggie. (Yeah, I called it) No bueno. If you have taken other roads to prevent pregnancy, and the pill is no longer beneficial, try some pretend estrogen cream. It really, really does help. A bat named Lucille may do the trick, too. (Oh no she did'n)

Natural progestin is, once again, a plant based hormone. A synthetic hormone. It helps to ease mood, cramps, water retention, headaches,  sleep, anxiety, menstrual cycle regularity and hot flashes... it's the holy grail of Hormone Replacement Therapy. And no, all HRT isn't bad. It all depends on the hormone. And this one happens to be fake. But the body can't tell.

Hormone replacement therapy got a bad rap back in the early 2000's with breast cancer dogma. Like I said before, synthetic progesterone is different. All hormones are not created equally. This plant oil cream regulates the thyroid gland, balances out estrogen, and is safe to use, especially if you aren't into swallowing supplements. I slather this stuff on after a shower and ONLY during the week(s) leading up to my period. If you have a smart phone, get yourself a free ovulation/ period tracker app. Yes. There's an app for even that. There's the ever popular "cervical mucus" calculator, so... you can... uh... I got nothing. I'm sure it's a baby-making-thing.  nyway, get yourself one of these apps and it will track your periods for you, so you can prepare for your PMS fueled pantry pillage and when to use your PMS cream. Better yet, make your significant other get the app so there's no excuse for them to question your... um... behavioral influx.

How do you know if you need it? Estrogen dominance has all of the tell tale symptoms: bloating, tender breasts, mood swings, cramps, backache... you name it. And if you are nodding your head to all of this right now, shaking your fist to the ceiling, while crying into your chardonnay, licking the Cheetos fuzz off of your fingers... this is the lotion for you.

Sweat the Bitch Out

Last but not least... EXERCISE!! Seriously. I want you to bitch all the way around the block, in the car on the way to the gym, or cuss me out during Mixxedfit or in the squat rack.  I guarantee that you will feel better once you release those serotonin hormones during some cardio. Sweat that hairy, viking cow right on out of your body. Be sure to drink a ton of water and watch your sodium intake. You will bloat like crazy if you don't. If you just don't have the energy to do so, try a few of my tricks to get you up off of the couch. 

 Trust me on this viking-thing. My sis did a DNA test. Turns out my Viking rage is inherited.  So, I am a natural expert. In the meantime, I'm going to eat a few phytoestrogen laden banana nuggets and pluck some hairs off of my chin... or I'll braid them? Either way.

Cheers, hons!