Grilled Portobello Mushroom Burger w/ Chipotle Mayo & Roasted Kale

Let's be honest. Mushrooms go ON a burger... not in place of. Don't hate! This non-beef take on a patty is pretty darn tough to distinguish for even the most ferocious carnivore. And the best part of all... it's mind blowingly delicious, cheap, simple, and way, waaaaaay healthier!

The family and I are on a no-meat kick. No, not an "eliminate-meat-for-good" thing. It's more like a, "no-meat-with-every-single-dinner-all-the-time" thing. Which is hard. Both my husband and I came from meat-n-potatoes families. After all of the bad press about slime in ground beef , and daily scientific reports proving that too much meat is rotten for your health, Mr. Kertney suggested we try some meat-less dinners... And I agree. I'll bet we aren't the only families out there with this new meatless outlook?

The problem is:

I LOVE A GOOD HAMBURGER!

What am I going to do when I want a burger and I don't have the budget to buy organic, grass fed chuck that is being ground before mine eye? Is there anything that can save me?

Portobello Mushroom Burgers
 *with Chipotle Mayo and Roasted Red Potatoes and Kale

2 Large, bun sized, Portobello Mushroom Caps
Marinade
Buns
Mayo
Cheese
Fix'n's

*1hr before grilling, prepare your mushrooms. Wipe any dirt or blemishes off of them with a paper towel. Set them on a plate "gill" side up and add the marinade. Let that absorb into the mushrooms for 1 hour.

Marinade: Mix together
1/4 Cup Balsamic
1 Crushed garlic clove
1 tsp of Mrs. Dash Original seasoning
1/2 tsp. Salt
2 tbsps. Extra Virgin Olive Oil

1/2 tsp. Montreal Steak Seasoning- sprinkle this onto the mushrooms right before you grill them. 

You can use whatever steak seasoning you like, unless I am coking over for dinner? In which case, please use Montreals. 

Chipotle Mayo:

2 tblsp. Mayonnaise
1/2 tsp. Adobo chile sauce from can- you can get these everywhere. Just look in the "International aisle."


*Mix the two together and done. If you want a little more heat, and add a tiny chunk of the actual chile to the mayo, but, don't get cocky. Those chile's are NO JOKE HOT! Trust me, you'll be fine with just the red adobo sauce. You can also buy prepared chipotle mayo, but, the flavor doesn't come anywhere close to this. Hell, I'll bet you start craving it and putting it on your everyday sammys... like me!  Let it chill in the frige until you are ready to assemble the burger.

Finishing Touches: 

Spray your grill grates with nonstick cooking oil and fire it up-  medium high heat. You want a char!   Let it cook for 5 minutes on each side. (More time may be needed, depending on how thick the mushrooms are) Add a slice of cheese (I used muenster- yum!) at the end of the grilling process. While you're at it, nonstick spray your buns and grill/toast those for 2 minutes. Add a dollop of chipotle mayo on the bottom buns and your Portobello Patty on the top. Add whatever fix'n's you like (I used Kumato tomatos and pickles) and DIG IN!

I guarantee that this will be the juiciest, hearty, most delicious brain fake on the planet- without the slightest worry of ground beef slime.


Enjoy!

Looking for the roasted kale and spuds? Check out my "Sides" page on the top.

Libation #1: Raspberry Coconut Mojito

I don't discriminate. I embrace all kinds of alcohol. I like beer, wine, liquor, fruity, dry, warm, iced, rim, rocks, straight up, shaken and stirred. I have decided to celebrate my love of libation with the world.

Libation #1 is made with one of my favorites, coconut rum.

Raspberry Coconut Mojito

10 mint leaves
2  pkgs Sugar in the Raw or 2-3 tsps regular sugar
1/2 lime, quartered
1 handful of fresh raspberries
2 parts coconut rum
2 parts Chambord Raspberry Liqueur (reserve 1 part)
2 parts Sweet 'n Sour mix
Top with club soda

In a tough girlie glass, mash up your mint, sugar and limes. Add the coconut rum, 1part Chambord and sweet 'n sour mix. Add some ice, raspberries and top with club soda. Give a mix and top with the reserved Chambord. Enjoy on a hot day, summer day or locked in your bathroom when "Mommy needs a minute."

Friendship Bread. Nope, not Amish... but it's still delicious!

Truth: Amish Friendship Bread ain't Amish. WHAAAAAT? That's absurd! Of course it's Amish... Isn't it?

 On second thought, I can't recall the last time I saw a bearded fellow in a straw hat selling plastic baggies of goo at a roadside stand?

Fact: We can thank the 1980's Girl Scouts for it's sweet cinnamon slices of shared plastic happiness. Those cookie pushers may have gotten the idea from the Amish, however?  Just like other breads, a traditional Dutch Amish loaf is nothing more than a sourdough bread, used from a yeast starter- like all sourdoughs. Food historians report that it's nothing more than an old German yeast bread. Some say it was a PA Dutch recipe used only for for sick and needy families. All historians agree, however, that today's version of bread isn't necessarily Amish- as there was no passing it around and there was nothing sweet or cinnaminny about it. It was just... um... bread. And what's fun about that? Nothing! That's where Ziplock and the patch wearing do gooders come into play. Let's be honest, "Girl Scout Friendship Bread" doesn't sound as symbolically nostalgic as "Amish Friendship Bread," now does it? Those scouts knew what they were doing. After all, they've had the market cornered on sweets for decades. I should know. I was a girl scout in the 1980's!

10 day Sourdough Starter:

Let's get squishing! 

• 1 Yeast water (1pkg of active dry yeast and 1/4 cup of warm water)
• 3 cups all-purpose flour, divided
• 3 cups white sugar, divided
• 3 cups milk
• 
  

This isn't rocket surgery. Let the yeast water stand for 10 minutes. Then, combine everything in a LARGE plastic bag and squish it once every day for 5 days. Then "feed it" with 1 cup flour, milk and sugar and squish for another 5 days. On the 10th day, feed it again and reserve 1 cup of the mixture for your first loaves, and give 2 cups to your buds along with the starter recipe and this:

Friendship Bread:  Yields 2 Loaves

• 1 cup Sourdough Starter
• 3 eggs- beaten
• 2/3 cup white sugar
• 2/3 cup vegetable oil
• 3 eggs
• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp. nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
• *1 Cup nuts (almonds, walnuts, pistachios or pecans)

Preheat the over to 350º

The old recipe urges you to use NON METAL mixing bowls with a NON METAL utensils to mix all of these ingredients. 

• Why can't I use metal stuff?

Science, dear Watson!

• Allow me to preface this: Today's stainless steel isn't made like the stuff from the 80's, but...  Yeast is made of of billions of living organisms and all living things are filled with bacteria. Introducing a metal like nickel, a prime component of old stainless steel and a known bacterial toxin, is a quick and easy way to kill off a substantial amount of good bacteria. Thus making room for the malicious bacteria to thrive and spoil your starter dough. Yet ANOTHER example of how this recipe ain't Amish- those Amish folks don't care for science much. Then again, they don't care for the "luxuries" of metal KitchenAid mixers' either? I used my Kitchen Aid. I had no issues. 

Prepare your bread pans with spray oil and pour in the mixture, half way.

Bake for 50-60 minutes...

Unless you want a great big loaf (look right) and pour it all into one pan. Just be prepared for a longer baking time. 

If you want the yummy, crumbly topping:

1 Cup flour

2/3 cup cinnamon sugar

1/2 stick softened butter- not too soft

1/2tsp salt

"Fork" the butter (mash it) together with the dry ingredients until it looks like crumbles. Almost like you were making a scratch pie crust. Add the crumbles in the final 30 minutes of baking. Let cool and enjoy! 

This starter and recipe can be a very thoughtful and cost friendly holiday or "end of the school year" teacher's gift- especially when you have to buy for multiple teachers. Ugh! Buy a few small air tight jars (Ikea is a great place to find these on the cheap) fill them, add a ribbon and the recipe and voila! Consider Jr.'s gift covered!