WTF: Rambutans! Intergalatic Hairy Chinese Suckers

 

I feel so stupid! For years I thought 'Rambutans' were those pointy eared dudes that invaded the Starship Enterprise. I certainly didn't think they were a fruit... and a freaky looking fruit at that! Come to think of it, Rambutans look like something that should be on the Starship Enterprise. I found them in Aliquippa's Giant Eagle, of all places. Interestingly, Aliquippa's Giant Eagle hasn't been updated since Star Trek... when Kirk was captain. So, I set my ray to "stun," bagged up the freakish spiny, red, ball thingies, and beamed myself into the checkout line.


Indonesian for "hairy," these little guys harbor a sweet, juicy, white (pitted) fruit grown from a tropical evergreen tree. Rambutans are native to Southeast Asia and widely cultived in Africa, The Carribean Islands, Australia and elsewhere in the tropics. Costa Ricans call them, mamón chinos; Chinese suckers. Honestly, I'm suprised that grocery stores are allowed to sell them... with the pits being toxic, and all...

<SPIT TAKE>

Information that would have been useful BEFORE consuming three of them, pit and all! This freaky fruit is sounding more and more like a Trek character, now isn't it? Live long and toxic.

Rambutan pits have toxic levels of tannins, a biomolecule astringent which is known to inhibit the absorption of minerals. When consumed in large quantities, tannins are known to cause bowel irritation, liver damage, irritation of the stomach and gastrointestinal pain, making one want to vomit. Sounds like a brutal night of binge drinking!

Speaking of which,  tannins are also found in, you guessed it, BEER! Condensed tannins are found in the golden hops used in your favorite brew. (Now you know what to blame for your stomach feeling gross, early the next morning) Which reminds me, tannins are also found in coffee! (There's a reason why a bran muffin and a strong cup of Starbucks will have you running for the facilities) But wait, there's more!

Rambutans also have saponin, a fish-killing toxin, which makes some folks weary of eating them. Saponins have a frothy, foaming agent that, long-story-short, drowns fish. So if you have gills: stay far, far away from saponins. Other than that, I think it's safe to ingest it in small doses. Conversely, health gurus are praising saponins for their cholesterol lowering abilities. High cholesterol? Enjoy a handful of rambutans with some red wine- another saponin rich product. Come to think of it, saponins and tannins are found in just about everything grown; nuts, smoked food, legumes, berries, soy, oats, herbs and spices. So, what's so scary about the toxins in rambutan pits?

Nothing, really. I don't know why there is a warning label slapped on them? I'm not saying to eat them like peanuts at a ball game, but, I don't see the harm. Besides, I ate them and suffered no ill effects. The pits are kind of bitter and not exactly palatable... so I only ate one pit.

Thumbs up or Thumbs Down?

I like them! Once the outer shell is removed, which is a very simple thing, they are like a peeled grape, only less tart. Rambutans are very sweet and truly delicious. They would make a very cool, very unique, Halloween party hors' devours. When halved, they resemble alien-like eyeballs.

If the eyeball thing doesn't make you queasy, the price tag will: 6.99/lb. Then again, according to the rambutan toxic police, you should only ingest a few at a time, which is easy on the wallet. Besides, it takes a lot of these things to produce a whole pound! I purchased three and it wasn't even $1.

I urge you to join me in my mission to seek out new food and boldly go where no westerner has gone before, in the produce section. Give these hairy suckers a try... unless, of course, you are a fish.